Main character energy
It's telling humans first thought the solar system revolved around Earth. We love to think the universe is here just for us.
"Main character" energy is unavoidable (and a bit fun). It's viewed as a sign of confidence and something that makes you stand out. It's ironic that main character "syndrome" is just one word away.
Life can feel like one big sitcom. Unchecked, this has some negative consequences.
In any good story, the "unexpected" is never a coincidence. To fit in, there must be a narrative. A hidden agenda. A puppet-master pulling strings.
The universe is so big and random. It's more likely things just happen and less likely someone is influencing your life.
We interpret everything as a part of our story because,
We want to have meaning.
We have evolved to take cognitive shortcuts.
Yet, through repeated experience, everyone I've thought has their shit together does not.
This is not an excuse to be a mess, but it is to say you should question what you see and who you trust.
Now, I'm going to make a bit of a jump here, so stay with me.
This implies two things:
No one really gives a shit about you.
No one is out to get you.
Hopefully, you haven't quit on me yet.
No one cares about your work the way you do. No one will tell you to push yourself like you can.
An anecdote: My family loves me and cares about me, yes? Yes. But do they care as much as I care? Absolutely not.
Would they ever tell me to weigh my food meticulously? No.
Would they ever get me to move to SF to pursue my dreams? No.
Would they force me to train hard and get stronger? No.
To be maniacal in my work? No.
To take big risks? No.
To do hard things? No.
No one cares about me as much as me (or you as much as you).
To truly care is to tell someone the hard things that they need to hear. You might be lucky to find 1 or 2 people in your life who actually do this. But how many of them live inside your head?
NONE of them can tell you to be the person you've always dreamed.
NO ONE you meet will change that.
Now, because no one is really organized and no one cares, it follows that no one is out to rob you of your hopes and dreams...
That's good!
Unhappy with how you look? Big seed oil, big plastic, and big pharma probably aren't trying to destroy you. Maybe you just need to lift weights, control your diet, and move more.
Haven't gotten promoted? The company faction plotting your downfall must be stopped! Or you just need more patience, humility, and cleverness.
Haven't started the business you've always wanted? It's less likely there are systemic biases or anti-competitive governments. It's more likely you just need to figure that shit out.
Out of context these things all sound clearly unhinged. But with enough egoism and isolation, they can start to seem sane.
The truth is that many things are out of our control and few of them make "sense." It's easy to default to a victim mentality as a cop-out. I do it sometimes. I try not to.
The great news is that everything in your brain is under your control.
But the person who cares most (you) is the only one who can do anything about it.
Instead of listening to those who tell you to settle, tell yourself the truth and be who you want to be.
Instead of finding a therapist that tells you "you're enough" ask yourself "am I enough?" Just be prepared if the answer is "no."
There's only one person who can do anything about it.